More Ugly Life Lessons, thanks Universe!

I was just starting to feel good about how I looked, I mean 35lbs is a lot to lose, right!!! Don't get me wrong, there is a looooooonnnnnnnggggg way to go before I'm looking good, but still, it's a vast improvement. I've bought a few new items of clothing, and just yesterday I thought to myself  "Yeah, this isn't soooo bad, if I never lose any more, I can live with the way I look. I'm feeling WAY better, that's the important thing!!" Well, if you've ever wondered if the Universe is listening, I have the answer... YES!!! I have proof!!!

I got to the gym today and the treadmill I prefer {becuz there is no mirror and the wall is right next to it, in case I fall off!!} isn't working. I tried a different plug in, which usually works, NOT today!!! I blew a breaker, and half the lights went out in the room, and the fan quit. Oopppsy!  The treadmill directly next to it, is junk, even when it works, it sucks!  I'm forced to make my way down to the only one left in the room... DIRECTLY in FRONT of the BIG ASS MIRROR!!! Yep!! 30+ minutes of being forced to stare at my own flabby fat legs, and my gut, bulging over my pants.  I also realize as I am nearing the 2 mile mark, I'm sweating a lot.  I mean I knew I sweat, but when you can see it in the mirror, holy crap!!!

I'm pretty sure that the life lesson here was...
 "DO NOT get COMPLACENT !!! You do NOT look GOOD, yet, and contrary to what you believe, you can NOT live with THIS!!!"
As well as...
"You may think you are feeling way better, but you wouldn't be sweating buckets, if you were really fit!!"

Yep, more UGLY  life lessons, learned the hard way!! Thanks Universe for speaking up and reminding me!!!

WHY DO I RUN?

That, my friends, is a very good question!! Recently during a facebook conversation, I informed someone that I have absolutely NO desire to run, and that I'm not sure why I continue to run, which got me to thinking {Oh no there I go again! Scary huh!!} Why exactly do I run????

If you've been following this blog for a while now, you know the story about how this whole crazy running thing started a year ago at fair, with a deal I made with the devil {my daughter!} to run the 5K at the fair, the following year. Well, I followed through, I trained, I ran, I fulfilled my obligation, I can stop any time now right... Right!!! So what exactly is compelling me to continue with something I DO NOT enjoy in the least.  I've been thinking this over for a while now, and I've finally come up, what I think is, a pretty good list of reason

*I didn't actually make the goal of RUNNING the entire 5K {partly due to weather, partly cuz I just wasn't there yet} so part of me thinks I need to keep at this, at least until I can prove to myself I can accomplish the goal of RUNNING an ENTIRE 5K. I think it's important to prove something to myself!!!
*Not that I generally care what others think of me, I don't! But it would be very nice to be able to prove, to those who do NOT believe I am capable of this, that I AM!
*Along the journey to the 5K, I realized getting physically fit might be a good idea.  I realized just how far out of shape, unhealthy, and overweight I really was.  I'd like to live beyond the age of 45-50.
*Running does not take a tremendous amount of skill, and since I have VERY little athletic ability {although I was recently told I have good running form, HA!}, it seems the best way for me to get exercise.
*I can do it alone.  I don't have to get the team together, or wait for someone to help me out, or work with a class schedule.  I can go when I want.
*To learn to control my mind.  I had no idea just how ADD I might actually be until I stepped foot on a treadmill.  I was bored and ready to quit within the first 30 seconds.  It is hard to keep your mind under control and stay focused while running.  I'd like to manage to overcome this issue. I would like to finally silence that crazy bitch, self doubt, who is constantly trying to get me to quit!!
*Improving my lung capacity.  When I started this I thought my chest was going to collapse within the first 30 seconds. I could slowly see the improvement in how long I could go before starting to breath really hard, and think I may just die!! Overcoming the anxiety and fear that I might drop dead of a heart attack at any moment, would be cool.
*CHOCOLATE. Let's face it, I will never really have the will power to overcome ALL of my bad eating habits.  I LOVE chocolate. If I keep running, I can keep eating!!
*Nature. It's pretty cool to be out in the early morning, when the critters are out, the sun is rising and all is quiet. The crows NEVER stop by inside the gym, which is a bummer now that it's dark in the mornings, and I'm mostly back to the treadmill.
*I've lost 35 pounds, so who knows how much I could potentially lose, if I keep at this.
*It helps me de-stress, not that I really get stressed very often.
*It gives me time to think, to ponder the workings of the universe, and all the other crazy shit that goes on inside my head!!!
*My body seems to feel better, well most of the time.
* I have more energy on the days I run
*I've made myself a bit proud of my ability to push through the injury, and pain, and not make excuses to quit. So why quit now.
*The more fit I get, the more brave I get. Not sure that's a good thing for me, but it's true.  I am more inclined to try things I wouldn't have before.  Cuz I might have a stroke, or make a complete fool of myself-let's be honest, there's some things you just DON'T want to see a really fat, out of shape person do!! No one wants to be the EMT who has to try and shove my ass in an ambulance or the rescue worker who has to chain saw me out of some crazy place!!! No one wants to hear, I'm sorry you can't participate, you are over the weight limit.  {As if it's not bad enough I'm too short to ride half the carnival rides!!} There are still a million things I won't do, just becuz of my physical limitations.  I'd like to live life without limitation!!!
*I don't feel like my journey is over. I want to finish this. To see it through. I think I will know when my journey with running is over, until then, I continue.
*New clothes!! Let's be honest, there are WAY more options for cute clothes for non-chubby girls.  It's sad and unfortunate but true!!!
*Tattoo's!!! No One wants to tattoo a fat chick. And this fat chick doesn't want to show off her tat's until she's not fat!! Got a cute little one all picked out, getting it very soon. Will post pics!!
*How would I entertain all of my readers, IF I stop running???
*Here comes the really hokey, deep thinker reason...  And please don't misunderstand me, I would NOT EVER change a single thing about how I've chosen to live my life up to this point. I feel like up until I started this thing, I mostly lived my life for my kids and husband.  They came first, before all other things, including my fitness.  They are mostly grown {well with the exception of my husband!!heehee!} and don't need me much.  It's time for me to take some time and do some things for myself. In the beginning, I was doing this for Maddy, but now this is all about me.  I need to do this for me.
*I need to know how it feels to be alive. I want to feel alive
Okay, so I also went and grabbed a few quotes from Pinterest, cuz that's a GREAT place to find inspiration and idea's.
Reasons to be fit:
-this will become my lifestyle
-it's about time to become the best me I can be
-to show that I haven't given up on me
-to love my body as much as I love my soul {ooh that's a good one}
-I want to be strong, healthy, and happy
-to know that if it came down to it, I could knock you out!
And the one my daughter sent me...
Because the zombies won't wait for you to catch your breath. This one is especially important!!!

Alright who has missed my crazy posts that contain song lyrics??? Well Then YOU will be excited to see I am adding some to this post!!! This is a song that motivates me, kind of encompasses all the reasons I keep running, by one of my very favorite bands, Alter Bridge.  I find a lot of their songs to be motivational, this song is entitled "Breathe Again"
*Tried to post the youtube link thingy, not sure it worked!

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/6PI7ZiBvRIk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I have played the part
I have all but lost my soul
And I have sacrificed
For what it's worth, I just don't know

In the silence of my heart
There is a distant call
Yeah
It beckons me to stand apart

So I set out on my own
Just to breathe again
Touch the light that calls me home
Just to reach the end
Where I'm free to breathe again

Through the suffering
Through the misery and pain
Never anything
But the will to see the day
When the promise might be born
Light the spark within
Yeah
'Cause I can't take it anymore

So I set out on my own
Just to breathe again
Touch the light that calls me home
Just to reach the end
Where I'm free to breathe again

Well I am free to roam
And set out on my own
To rise above the hands that try to hold me down
Before the end, I know I'll breathe again
To find my way

So I set out on my own
Just to breathe again
Touch the light that calls me home
Just to reach the end

I'm leaving today
I'm leaving today
I'm leaving today


How about some pics... Haven't done those in a while

THIS is the next tattoo I'm getting
OBVIOUSLY
it will only say 3.1 cuz I'll never run 26.2 miles!!!

Went shopping for new jeans!!

This is what 5am looks like when you get up and run!! 

These are some of the critters you get to see at 5am
Yes, Turkeys are ugly, but still

This is the B17 Bomber I climbed into
would NEVER have tried that a year ago!!

I want to eat more than just salad.
So I continue to run!

THAT's more like it!!!!

Why Do I Run???

FIND YOUR INSPIRATION

So, yesterday I had a ton of people reading my blog, and had several Facebook comments, as well as actual comments left here on the blog site. I want to take a quick second and say Thank You for stopping by to read, or continuing to read.  I love seeing how many of you stop by, and I love comments/feedback, so feel free to jump on and say something!!!
The most interesting thing that has now been said to me several times, and EVERY SINGLE TIME, it catches me off guard, is that I inspire some of you.  I consider that to be the ULTIMATE compliment, and I TRULY appreciate the compliment.  The thing is I'm always shocked and taken aback by it, because I'm not sure what I've done that could possibly Inspire anyone else. Don't get me wrong, if I can inspire just one person, that is AWESOME!!!! I feel like I'm just some goofy, fat, old, out of shape, girl, who can't write well, but decided I'd share my crazy, rambling, simple minded, adventures with the cyber~world.  Who knew you'd find ANY of it interesting, let alone inspiring.  The truth is, if I knew each of you personally, I'm certain I could/would find something about your life inspiring. I believe everyone has something inspirational to offer.  I just didn't realize it could be me, guess I never really thought of myself that way. Maybe, we never really stop to think about how other people could inspire us, how we could inspire others, or how we can inspire ourselves! Inspiration is all around us!!!  Just gotta look for it, and maybe see things from a little different angle, I think.

So tell me please {really, write it in the comment section!}...
What does Inspire You???
How do you Inspire others???
How do you Inspire yourself??
Where do you look for Inspiration???
Where do you find Inspiration???

And again Thank you for the compliment, thank you for reading, and thank you for letting me, Inspire you!!!
Go out and FIND YOUR INSPIRATION!! I bet it's right there, "where ever some body is trying to find it" the same place as your GREATNESS!!!

FIND YOUR GREATNESS

I've been struggling with finding/making time for blogging lately.  Honestly, I've been having a hard time finding/making time for almost everything lately. It's crazy, cuz I'm not even sue what I've been so busy doing! I am so far behind on everything!!! The good news is, I've still been running. What else have I been doing?? Taking pics, working on finishing the bedroom remodel, helping Maddy move into her new apt., helping get ready for fair, being at the fair, recovering from the fair, sleeping~I've been very VERY tired for the last month, and of course I've been watching the Olympics.  Which leads me to the interesting {well that's questionable} part of the blog post. The last month has been a bigger struggle to continue on the path to the 5K than almost any other time during this journey.  It's been almost a year now, and there have been plenty of times along the way I wanted to just quit, and over the holiday stretch I did quit for a bit, but never was the mental struggle involved been as crazy, as this past month.  When I quit for the holidays, I just quit. NO guilt, no concern for what the impact of all my bad choices would be later. I just put everything on hold.  Then Ryan got me the gym membership and back to work I went!! Other times I've, struggled for a few days or what ever, but this was a serious stretch of time for me.  I'm not sure what prompted it, I just had a lot of struggling going on.  First I had the fall, the huge swollen ankle, then the broken {or severely bruised} pinky toe, both of which made it difficult to run.  Then my right knee started to hurt, which I think had something to do with the favoring the sore left ankle/toe! Then I got tired, not just a bit tired, but super tired. My whole body was tired. I had no energy. My legs felt like lead. Just running for five minutes was a struggle, and  I was getting muscle cramps.  I was craving chocolate like crazy. And I was no longer losing ANY weight. I've said this before, and I want to say it again.  The weight loss thing is just a bonus side effect for me, it's not necessarily why I'm doing this, BUT it's nice when it happens!!! It sucks when you don't want to run, are making NO progress on the treadmill, AND you stop losing weight too!!!  I knew several weeks ago that I was NOT going to be able to run  my entire 5K at the fair.  This was also bringing me down a bit, I won't lie, I was a tad disappointed in myself.  Could things have been different if I had worked harder, not taken off the time during the holiday season? Would things have been different if I hadn't twisted my ankle? Would I have made more progress if I had eaten less junk??? All reasonable questions to be asking myself.  But it doesn't really matter, cuz it's too late to change the outcome.
At this point, Ryan suggested that I take a few {3-4} days  off, drink a ton of water, rest, and then get back at it.  Maybe my body just needed a bit of a rest.  So for several days I drank a ton of water, upped my protein and iron intake, watched a lot of olympics, and slept a lot!!  It seemed to work, I did feel better. Mentally and Physically.

I loved watching the Olympics, the stories of struggle, disappointment, heartbreak, sacrifice, determination, drive, hard work, achievement, and of course the cool commercials!! If you can't watch the olympics and find some inspiration, you are seriously not looking for it!!!

My favorite commercial would have to be the Nike  FIND YOUR GREATNESS commercial.

"Somehow we've come to believe that Greatness was reserved for the chosen few or the superstars. The truth is, Greatness is for all of us.  This is not about lowering expectations, its about raising them for every last one of us.  Because Greatness is not in one special place and it is not in one special person. Greatness is where ever somebody is trying to find it!"

Or the CitiBank commercial about DEDICATION

"-take a day off, I don't even take a morning off
-I haven't ordered desert in 2 years
-You know that best selling book everyone loves, I haven't read it
-I haven't watched TV since last Summer
Hey, I been busy!!!"

These commercials really get me thinking, they have a truly powerful message, for everyone, not just the superior athletes of the olympics.  Nor do they have to be about athletics, necessarily.  What is YOUR greatness? FIND your greatness!

So, the question is... During this journey over the last year, have I found my Greatness???  I think so.  The truth is that my Greatness is not  in being a 5K runner, my Greatness is in the decision to get healthy.  My Greatness is in not quitting when my ankle, toe, knee hurt.  My Greatness is in making better choices every day.  My ultimate Greatness was 2 days after the 5K, I made the decision to keep going, to make a new goal and work toward it. My Greatness is in recognizing that without a new goal to work toward I will quit.  I believe I've found my Greatness!!

So my new goal is to RUN the entire Lane Walker 5K on October 13.  This gives me about 2 months to be ready.  I'm pretty sure I can make it, Saturday I ran an entire 2.75miles without stopping to walk.  YEAH, I was pretty dang geeked about that!!! I'm still not fast, that is a goal for later down the road.  My current list of fitness goals goes something like this

1) RUN the Lane Walker 5K in October
2) Continue with the healthy/clean eating
3) add some weight lifting to my routine
4) add some biking to my routine
5) This time next year, if I'm looking much more healthy and fit~ there WILL be a new Family pic taken for the living room wall!!!

Those seem like pretty reasonable goals, for now, right!?!? You know me, my goals are pretty flexible, I can add things, change things, what ever I need to do...



OH! And if you are wondering how that stupid Fair 5K went...
It was horrible!!! It was raining, cold, and windy.  The fair grounds were a sloppy, muddy, mess!! Maddy told me I could ditch out, that SHE would NOT run in that crap.  So, I had an out, but I did NOT take it, I had prepaid for the event.  BUT, I sure didn't turn in my best time, in fact, I never even went to see what my time was.  I walked at least half the course, cuz it was mud, and NO way was a ruining a great pair of shoes over a 5K.  And for the obvious safety concerns, I felt it was best, for me, to walk more often than not.  The last thing I need is to fall during fair week. There was still a horse to get home.  So, I consider the fact that I attempted it, in horrible conditions to be my Finding My Greatness accomplishment!!! After it was over I had a celebratory 24hr junk food binge.  That was pretty awesome, I won't even lie!! I ate ice cream, hot dogs, chocolate, chips, and more ice cream!!! But, like I said, Monday morning it was back to the gym!!!

And so the journey continues...
FIND YOUR GREATNESS.
remember,
it's where ever somebody is trying to find it!!
I'll be right there with ya, trying to find mine!!