I want to start this blog post by stating something for the record so there is no confusing; I love both my children. Completely, totally and equally. No favorites here, I just happen to love each one differently and love certain characteristics about each one more than others... does that make sense? In my head it does. So over the weekend I am going to blog about my kids, separately. I tried to decide how to go about deciding who should go first, and decided that we would just go with birth order, so today will be about Tallon
Before I start typing and bore you to death about how great I think my kids are let me tell you how this blog came to be. I went to a funeral this week for a young man who ended his own life. They talked about him and read a poem/letter he had written his mother, then talked about how this great, wonderful kid had had a moment of temporary insanity. How else do you explain someone so responsible and smart and kind and talented doing such a thing? It hit me, because those people have something about them. The gifted are always plagued with a darkness. A sadness that others can't see or understand. They are always fighting this off, they are much more deeply and easily wounded by the bad in the world becuz they don't understand why people are bad They feel empathy in their core. They don't just feel others pain, they know it, they absorb it like sponges~I guess. That's just my opinion on the matter, and I do have a reason for sharing that opinion, which we will revisit later. Later that day I decided that I was going to look for a positive in this{if there is one ~Ryan thinks I'm always looking at the glass as half full} Right or wrong twisted or not I was going to go home and celebrate that I still have my children. Growing up my G'ma would always say "there but for the Grace of God go I." Now I'm not sure that I believe that God has anything to do with it, actually I think that is the Christians way of twisting things so that they sound pretty instead of being blunt and straight up honest. Me being straight up honest AND blunt will say. I am so sorry for their loss, I hope they find the courage and strength necessary to cope. I hope I never have to know or experience that kind of grief, and I am so glad my son is here, and has made better choices. {We could go on and on about why he made said choice and what could have prevented it but that is not mine to decide.}
So we went to River Rock for open Mic Night,
with both my kids to watch Tallon,Jake and Ryan. And I watched and appreciated him and the gift he has been given even though I am aware of the darkness that comes along with the gift. I am constantly on guard, watching my son. I ask him a lot of questions and constantly try to evaluate his mood. He thinks I am being nosy and I am too involved in his life sometimes but I need to know he is okay and that I am doing everything I can to make sure that the artist in him is doing okay. Over protective, maybe, mellow-dramatic, maybe. He is the very reason I believe the way I do about the girted, see Tallon is a very talented singer/songwriter/musician. I have seen, over the years, the darkness that tries to take hold of his soul. He is a very sensitive, kind-hearted, sweet young man. He constantly questions why humanity has to be so horrible to each other. He is fiercely protective, and loyal to his loved ones, including his little sister. People do not understand the gifted, and treat them unkindly at times. Tallon has managed to surround himself wth some really great people. He will always accept you for who you are, as long as you are willing to do the same.
When the kids came home today from the health club and their visit to the new nutrition store in town, I celebrated by appreciating the knowledge they had gained, and listened to the stuff they had to tell me about my health choices. And finally, I celebrated my son buy listening to his CD when I went for my walk, and I used his words to inspire and encourage me...
***********************************
Open my eyes to different world
with more confidence
and joy than before
One deep breath
Rejuvenates my chest
Not for you but only myself
I will not fall to my knees
for something not worked for
All my pride, and my soul,
sweat for this all.
I will climb to the top
with my own bare hands
I will not fall to my knees
anymore!
The long winding Road of Determination
takes away all these
cares in this world
One deep breath
rejuvenates my soul
Then push it harder
than before
I will not fall to my knees
for something not worked for
All my pride, and soul
sweat for this all
I will climb to the top
with my own bare hands
I will not fall to my knees
Anymore!
******************************
I am fortunate that he feels I am worthy of knowing what most of his song lyrics are about, and I know that this song is NOT about my personal battle with fitness!!! But that is what is great about great art, I can use it to inspire me and make it my own.
This is my Road of Determination:
And this is my inspiration:
I could go on about Tallon. I could talk about how he looks so much like his father it freaks me out sometimes. I could talk about how proud I am of him. And how he works very hard at both his jobs, but those are all just details. Not the core of what makes him, HIM. His art, his music is his passion and I have always been moved by it and his ability to move others. I have actually been asked how I can keep from crying when he sings. Kinda funny. The thing is he has no idea how much people are touched , inspired, and moved by his music. I hope he never loses his passion and drive to make music. I hope he continues to touch , inspire and move people. But mostly I am enormously eternally grateful he is my son and I hope he is always happy...
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