Wednesday, July 11, 2012

What Goes Up Must Come Down...


You know that old saying, right?

 Well, todays theme is a little more like, what  goes  down, must get up!! 
About 2 minutes into my walk today, the dog was tugging at the leash a bit and I looked over at her, to tell her to stop pulling me, which she totally would have understood, cuz she's that smart, but I didn't get the words outta my mouth cuz I stepped in a hole, I twisted my ankle and fell down, ALL the WAY down.  I fall a lot, I'm used to such things, but I HATE when I'm out in public and I fall.  You want to cry, but you're not sure if it's cuz it hurts or becuz you've just embarrassed yourself, again.  The severity of this tumble is somewhat less, than a lot of my previous ones. ~Like the time I fell down the stairs and broke my arm, or just a couple of years ago when we were at Redbud, an Outdoor National Motocross race {Maddy, if you are reading this now, we will take a short pause for you to laugh yourself into tears (yet again) and then compose yourself enough to continue reading!} that fall was a pretty good one, my ankle got huge and black, blue and purple!! But that was my only injury.  I picked myself up {yeah, no help from my family members, in fact Ryan stood there and shook his head as if to say "there she goes again!"}  I soldiered on, watching the entire race. Sure, I couldn't get shoes on for 2 days after, my foot got so big! Back to today, I had a few more injuries, scuffed my elbow, and my knee pretty good, and twisted my ankle.  I even ended up with a stone in my mouth, for real!!!! Go ahead, laugh, it is kinda funny.  After the fall, I get up and assess the damages and decide if I can limp back home or if the dog will be required to drag me.  Realizing the dog is not up for that challenge, I limp home.  Along the way, I fight the urge to cry like a girl, and I realize it's not becuz it hurts that bad, although it is a bit painful.  Not only do I move slow, but I think slow, so I take the next few minutes to reflect on exactly why am I so upset over a tiny {yet public} fall.  Turns out, I'm concerned that if this hurts, and I can't run, it might set me back at least 2 weeks, and then I will never make the 5K deadline!!! In the past I may have been glad that the universe had just offered me a way out of an obligation, I was just provided with the PERFECT excuse, an injury, but today I was upset by it.  This is a most strange turn of events.  Who am I becoming?!?!? So, I bandage myself up {another event I'm all too familiar with} and decide to go back out and try to walk and see how that goes, if it's good, I'll break into the running thing!! I walked about 5 minutes and decided, it was pretty good, so I ran.  I went the entire 1.75miles, walking/running.
While I was running I got to thinking maybe I should've just stayed in bed today. And then a lot of other strange things start to flow through my crazy brain, the way things tend to go with my brain!!!    I'm one of those people, who tries to look at every situation and find the good, the life lessons, to decide if this is meant to be a challenge or if somehow there was a sign intended, if the universe was trying to speak to me.   And something occurred to me, lately I've been hearing a lot of people talk about their fitness experiences, and I'm finding myself comparing {I know, NEVER a good idea} It just seems like so many people are making so much more progress than me, going faster, further. And for a brief moment it had been kinda getting me down {I know, stupid}!! So here's what I've concluded from  this morning's incident:

~Walk your own walk/Run your own run. You always have, why change that now, it'll only cause you to stumble and fall!
~When you start concerning yourself with what others are doing, you might not be paying attention to what you are doing, and you always want to be paying attention to what you are doing, and to your surroundings.  Consider paying attention to what your dog is doing too, cuz obviously SHE was paying closer attention to your surroundings than you were, she did try to pull you away from the hole! Trust your dog!
~Always look in the direction where YOUR goals {and/or feet} are headed and you will be less likely to fall.
~What goes down, MUST get up!! Always keep getting up, no matter how often you fall down, that's what makes you stronger.
~Change can be painful, and these are some big changes that you've been making. Not just the eating, and the fitness, but somewhere along this journey, you are becoming the kind of person who tries to figure out how to fight through a situation, instead of find excuses to get out of it. 
~Okay, and there may have been a lesson on gratefulness and appreciation, for how far I've come, without having a heart attack, oh and possibly a snippet about believing in oneself…
~And if you never win a trophy, you'll always have that big ass scar on your knee to remember the 5K you trained your ass off for!!! 
Sometimes, the Universe just has to throw you, face down, in the dirt to make you see things clearly. Maybe that just happens to us stubborn people who refuse to see things otherwise. 
My knee, that is a big ass Band Aid

Let me also say that, as much as I LOVE my inspirational music, this gave a whole new meaning to the lyrics from Road of Determination when Tallon says "I will not fall to my knees, for something NOT worked for!" 

Or maybe it was just a freak accident, I fell, nothing more...
Wither way, I choose to continue along MY Road of Determination!!!

Back to the Room Remodel

Well, today I started out the morning with a bit of an outside walk/run. I went the same route as yesterday, but today my APP said it was only 1.75miles, strange. Regardless, I ran the same amount. My shins are still hurting, hope I get used to running on the pavement soon.

The weather has cooled down a bit, so I went back to work on the painting/room redo. I finally finished the painting, but still have a huge list of things to do. Wanna see pics of the progress???

Oh you know I'm gonna post them anyway...

These doors took forever!!!
The stair railing took forever!!
All the black trim took forever!!
The library area still needs cleared out/cleaned up~obviously!!
All the furniture is crammed together in the center of the room.
I had to cut the carpet out around the furniture, will get rid of the center later.  I only suffered a couple minor injuries while cutting and ripping out carpet.  A couple scratches on my arm and a small but slightly deep cut on one of my toes, from a staples in the carpet. YEs, I know, a person should really wear shoes while tearing out carpet, but I had leather gloves on, how much safety equipment can one girl be expected be to use?? Next thing you'll be telling me I should wear safety glasses too... It's all fun and games until someone loses and eye!!
Still losts of work to do, but that's a sneak peak , for now.  More pics later!!!

Monday, July 9, 2012

Today I Loath Running a Little Bit Less, and the Murder of Crows

I'm gonna start todays ramble out by stating some cold hard facts.  My times for both my practice 5K's have kinda sucked, and I still have a very long way to go and a short time to get there.  I know I have a LOT of hard work ahead of me.  BUT for a few moments, I am gonna sit back and be proud of myself for setting a goal and working towards it.  For finishing both my 5K's, and for running about half the second one.  I've been eating a lot healthier.  I still eat my chocolate from time to time {yesterday} but I haven't had a pop or fast food in forever!  Let's be honest, I would NEVER have believed that I WOULD even attempt such  things. And I am proud of how far I've come, but enough of that ~now it's back to work!!

I feel like, even if my 5K's have not been a huge successes as far as my stats are concerned, they have been very instrumental in teaching me what I need to work on:
~It's very hard for me to gage my speed, when I'm not on the tread mill, with the numbers right in front of me. It's funny, cuz on that treadmill I feel like I'm running super fast, like I'm hauling ass!! You get outside and find out that is not true, AT ALL!! You feel like you are going turtle speed, it takes forever to get anywhere.
~I don't like standing around with a bunch of athletes. I feel like people might be judging me, which is weird cuz I've never really given half a crap about what anybody thinks of me.  But, you get there, in their world, and you feel like everyone is staring at the fat girl in the tight running shirt, wondering what the Hell she thinks she's gonna do!! And really what do I care what they think!! Why would it matter what they are thinking, this is about me, NOT them, so I need to get over my self-consciousness, and focus on what I'm there for.
~It's hard for me to focus my mind on the things I should be focusing on, when I'm outside. I'm not sure what this was all about but I couldn't focus on the music, I couldn't focus on my feet, and how I was running.  My mind was just everywhere.  And some of the time it was telling me how stupid this was, and that I couldn't go any farther.
~I learned that your body hurts in different places when you run outside.  My lower back started to hurt. And my shins hurt, a  lot, the next day.
~I think it might be useful to know the course in advance and if I am able, walk it, the day before.

Soooo.  In an effort to try and make lemonade out of  lemons. I decided it was time to take the knowledge I had gained from running these 2- 5K's, and put it to good use.  I will start running outside several times per week, and try to get my issues in check!!!

Today, I went for a run outside.  Not sure the whole neighborhood is thrilled about watching a fat chick and her chubby dog waddle past at 6AM but there we were. I'm sure that we've all witnessed stranger things in this 'hood!! All in all it was a pretty good walk/run, even if it was short.  Gotta work out some details about where to travel that equals 3.1 miles, but for today I did 1.89miles in about 30 minutes. The time seemed to go pretty fast, which makes it official, my attention span is 30 minutes and NO longer.  That means I've gotta find a way to get my race pace up to 6pmh.  Along the way we saw a cute grey kitty, a bunch of deer, including a couple little bucks.  And the CROWS, the wonderful crows!!! I'm not sure how many crows it takes to make it a murder of crows, {but since " A Murder of Crows" is a cool thing to say, I'm gonna say that 8 is enough to equal a murder!!} and there they were, a murder of crows {8} of them waiting in the middle of the road, just as a rounded a corner and was about to start my jog again. There they were, waiting for me!!! They all flew up to the power line and Caw'ed to me, urging me on.  Telling me I could do it, that they were proud of me, that I was making great changes in my life.  Well, at least that's what I believe they were doing there.  Could be they smelled a heart attack waiting to happen, and they were there to pick my carcass clean after I dropped over dead.  But I prefer to believe crows are awesome birds, that are there for really cool reasons.  And can I just say it's been forever since I've seen the crows while walking. I saw them a lot while walking down the country roads, and when I first started at the gym, I saw one everyday for the first week, perched in the same tree, cawing to me.  So today was a wonderful surprise, seeing them all on my walk/run, I've missed the crows!!! And today, for the first time, I loathed running just a little bit less!!!

I'm off to run outside again tomorrow AM...

OH and BTW, it seems I was off on the countdown. The REAL DEAL 5K is much sooner than I thought.  It's now less than 5 weeks away!!! HOLY CRAP!!!

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Choices, Support, and Finishing

I am a mosey-er. I am just naturally slow moving, alway have been.  I can't tell you how many times my mother said these words to me "You will be late to your own funeral!!" I don't know if it's just the way some people are or if it's a combination of several things.  Like the fact that I'm also short {barely measuring in at 5'1 3/4"} I am fat {finally down to 185lbs} and I am extremely clumsy {I fall a lot-have broken almost every toe, and my arm just from falling, mostly on stairs, or flat ground}. Regardless, I am a slow mover, it's a fact, and one that makes todays feat even more monumental.
I am also tempted to sit here and make a nice little list of all the things I've been through in my lifetime that contribute to the condition I currently find myself in {fat, and miserably out of shape} but I'm not sure you'd want to listen to me ramble on, whining, about that and I'm also not sure if they are just plain facts, excuses or maybe a combination of both.  Things are what they are, we make the choices we make, and we reap the consequences of our choices.  There is always a choice, and we may not always know a better way to react to our situation, but they are, in fact, our choices.  And my reactions to the events in my life, weather I knew better at the time or not, were still in fact my choice and my reactions.  What's my point??? While some of the things in my life were not of my creating and not my choice, the reaction to eat my way through sadness, grief, anger, stress, happiness, THAT was my choice.  If I knew then, what I know now, would I have done things differently? Maybe, maybe not. I believe that every decision, good or bad, makes you the person you are today, and to be honest, I'm pretty happy with the person I am today.  I am not happy about the body, I as a person, happen to be walking {or waddling} around in but that's the consequence of the choices I made.
I've chosen to do something about that.
Maybe it started out as a deal I made with my daughter.  Maybe I've been inspired by my families physical efforts and achievements, along with the physical obstacles they've overcome.  But somewhere along the journey, I've realized that part of what drives me is not just the deals, and the inspiration, but my own health. See,  I lost my mother when I was only 29years old and to be honest,  I know the pain of not having a mom around.  It never really occurred to me that my kids could lose their mom, becuz she failed to take care of herself.  Would my kids be okay without me, heck yes! They are strong people, but should they have to, before it's my time, and becuz I chose not to take care of myself?? NO!
I have no excuses, or shortage of reasons to be inspired to finish this thing!
Now, if you've been following this blog, you are already aware of the lonnnng and tedious journey I've been on for the last 10 months.  You've listened to me bitch, complain, whine, brag, and ramble on endlessly about a lot of crazy shit in between.  {And I truly appreciate each and everyone of you for putting up with me!!!} You also know that the Big 5K is coming up here in about 6weeks. The day I RUN and entire 5K, or drop dead trying.

Today was my second attempt at a {practice} 5K.  The first one, I walked the entire thing and finished in 48-something. Today, I ran parts of it.  I ran, then walked, then ran, then walked.  It was slow and ugly, but I MADE it!!! And in my personal best of 46.05.  I know I have a long way to go, and a short time to get there, but I will keep on going!!!

The most important part of todays 5K is not my PB time, but the people who are a part of my support system.  At 10pm last night, I got a text from my daughter, who's on vacation, telling me good luck.  This morning, I received several Facebook posts giving me encouragement.  But the most impressive display of support was my husband and son.  My husband just had knee surgery June 14th, today he signed up and ran with me.  He stayed with me the whole time.  He wouldn't let me give up and walk, he kept encouraging me, saying things like "just to the next corner, then you can walk!" When we got close to the 2.5 mile mark, he informed me "I will not let you finish this in a slower time than your last one, lets GO!" Now, my son Tallon, ran the entire race and then turned around and ran back to find us, and finished the race with me too!! Who could ask for more support than that???? They made me finish it running, not walking.
 So thank you to everyone who encourages me to keep on keeping on, and thank you to my family for ALWAYS supporting this crazy thing I'm doing!!!

Oh and by the way, when the race description says, "some small hills" What I realized today was, that they really meant "Today you will climb Mt. Everest, and it will be 80 degrees when you do it!!"

I'm not thrilled with my time or performance, but today I did okay. I am slow, short, fat and out of shape. I made the choices in my life that led me to where I am today. I choose to do something about it.  I have no shortage of inspiration and support. Thank you everyone who has been there for me.  I will finish this thing.

The Countdown sits at 6 weeks!!!

theBoys reading the course map
Tallon
Ryan
Me...
Tallon stretches.
Ryan is either mentally preparing for race, or napping!!
Can you believe those skinny legs actually hold him up!!
Race T-shirts
race course map.